THANK ALLAH FOR ‘AnusUp’ Suppositories! All-day relief for 1.5 billion Muslims

One application in the morning and you’re good for 24 hours. No need to reinsert five times per day. Available in child size and easy-glide for seniors, too.

H/T Martin

Go ahead, make my day, CRUCIFY ME!

Definitely time for another ‘Everybody Draw Mohammed Day.’ Only this time, it should be an international contest, open to every non-Muslim in every country. We have seen Muslim heads exploding over a few Mohammed cartoons from Denmark. Can’t wait to see the worldwide riots when their paedophile prophet is ‘blasphemed’ on a global scale. Mass beheadings, anyone?

BNI Reader presents: ‘All the Muslim news that isn’t fit to print’…anywhere else

GOOD NEWS!!!!!…..on the fuzzy-wuzzy multicultural front.

By: Don Laird, Edson, Alberta, Canada

Several corporations have taken a page from the “We Love Islam” book written by sophisticate Mike Mikan, CEO of Best Buy, best known for becoming a Platinum level sponsor of the the Hamas-affiliated Council on American-Islamic Relation (CAIR) with its large donation to the terror-supporting organization that is on the FBI’s sh*t list because of its known terrorist ties. 

At the behest of CAIR and with the enthusiastic support of Muslims and their left wing terrorist-sympathizing friends across North America, not to mention the Muslim-in-Chief in the White House,  Toys “R” Us has set up an exclusive Muslim wedding gift registry service for those gurgling, blushing Muslim child brides to be, with age-appropriate gifts for girls from ages 3 to 14.

HEALTHY NEWS!!!!!…….Gerber Foods, ever the corporate community team players, has launched their new line of newlywed snacks.

“Prophet’s Pablum” and “Muhammad’s Mush” specifically designed to replenish iron levels as a result of blood loss from massive vaginal and rectal tearing sustained on the happy muslim couples wedding night, all halal of course.

EVEN MORE GOOD NEWS!!!! Quick to comply with Muslim outrage and protestations across North America, Proctor and Gamble, the makers of Pampers, has agreed to pull all advertising of Pampers for being offensive to Muslim sensitivities.

CAIR, The Muslim Brotherhood and all affiliated Muslim victim groups, found the ads, with excessive use of naked babies, to be sexually provocative in the extreme and had in fact, resulted in thousands of Muslim men being admitted to emergency rooms in a state of cardiac arrest resulting from pedophiliac sexual excitation…..(commonly known and diagnosed as “Muhammad’s Fever)……….this was, of course, with the full support of Justin Trudeau who took a page from his fathers book of socialist lunacy telling reporters that ….”What goes on in a muslim daycare is nobody’s business”……..both Libby Davies and Olivia Chow, overwhelmed with liberalesque sentimentality, lost control of their bladders, peed their pants and then burst into tears, but, recovering quickly, they burst into rousing applause………”Oh, his daddy would be so very proud!!!!” they said…….

(Margaret Trudeau was unavailable for comment as she was somewhere in orbit around Saturn aboard the USS Prozac…….)

SAD NEWS!!!! on the CAIR front

Ibrahim “Dougie” Hooper, wanting to impress Nihad Awad and eager to show all the CAIR Cowboys he was really really really a real muslim and really really part of the CAIR team, under orders from Nezar Hamze, he went out late last night to “blow up a few cars”……..he ended up in hospital with 3rd degree muffler burns to his lips.

However, at the hospital, Dougie Hooper had company…………in the bed beside him was Ahmed “Was That The Blue Wire Or The Red Wire?” Rehab………..apparently things didn’t go so well in his attempt to blow up the local “Jimmy Dean House of Islamic Horrors”

Way overaged Bacha Bazi Boy Ahmed Rehab

SHUT MY MOUTH!!!!!!…..CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!……..IT’S EVEN MORE GOOD NEWS!!!!!!

The Heavenly Rest Funeral Home of Dearborn , Michigan, has enthusiastically announced their commencement of “Muslim Date Night”……..after last prayer, the morgue will be open from 01:00 am till 04:30 am for all those love-struck muhammadans who are looking for their dream gals. Ever the opportunists….the Faberge Corporation has added a new line of cologne to the list of favs for those Ramadan Romeos…….in addition to “Evening In Auschwitz” and “Eau De Zyklon B”…….they just rolled out “Memories of Formaldehyde”, sure to be a hit with those moonstruck mullahs………to quote the co-designers of this new fragrance, Carl Lagerfeld and Barack Obama,……”In trying to enhance the mystique and machismo of the muslim male and not wanting to frighten the other muslin love interest, domestic livestock, we thought a cross between the rotting corpse of his late wife and sheep’s excrement would be a hit”………….word has it old Carl wasn’t wrong……the first 100,000 bottles were sold in advance in Riyadh and Dubai has been back ordered for months……….(apparently Saudi Arabian dictator and chief pedophile, King Abdullah, had a swimming pool filled with it and does twenty laps every morning before attending the first beheading of the day………)

And all of this from an impotent, child molesting desert lunatic who managed to parlay a scorching case of syphilis and flatulence induced dementia into cutesy “messages from god”…….and the rest, as they say……is history!!!!

Ahhhhhhhh……islam….the religion of peace………peace and hypocrisy……..and they’ll cut off your head to prove it!!!!

Well…..that about does it for me this evening……after another brandy I’m off to the toilet to talk to muhammad……

Regards, Don Laird
Edson, Alberta, Canada

PS: would someone please file a complaint with one of the multitude of Human Rights Commissions?……….Please!!!!?????……or at least get me put on the “Islamo-Hater” list with that revolting collection of litigating left-wing losers, the Sothern Poverty Law Center???…….please!!!!………or how about a death threat???……just a little one about cutting off my infidel head……or gouging out my white-devil eyes…………look…..I really am starting to feel left out……or send me some anthrax………anything………call me late at night and wish me happy Ramadan and then hang up, or don’t hang up, just breathe heavily and tell me you want to see my “kebabs” roasting over a camel dung fire………..anything……..just make me feel a little paranoid…pleeeeeease!!!!!,  

A LITTLE HISTORY…

Justin Trudeau is the son of our former Prime Minister, Pierre Trudeau (now, thankfully dead) a leftist piece of excrement, who spawned a multiplicity of lunatic and cancerous pieces of legislation that have contributed significantly to the destruction of Canada’s moral and ethical fabric……and that is when the good Prime Minister wasn’t fathering a small herd of bastard children.

Justin loves Muslims

Margaret Trudeau is Justin’s mother and is famous for running about sans panties, much to the delight of paparazzi, and acting as a human bicycle to rock stars and “B” grade celebrities…

Now Margaret divides her time between drunk driving and acting as a pharmaceutical test pilot for all the popular mood-altering drug manufacturers…

OH, BOO HOO! UC San Diego Jewish student blasted for donning Muslim attire

Awwww, leaders of Muslim student groups at the University of California, San Diego, are upset after a photo of a student senator dressed in Muslim garb circulated on the Internet.

Jewish Journal  & Forward Student Senator Ashton Cohen took a photograph at a campus party dressed in a robe and head-covering, with three women whom a caption identified as his “three wives,” according to the UCSD Guardian. Now, leaders of the Muslim Student Union and Arab Student Union, and Students for Justice in Palestine are admonishing him for “Islamophobia.”

Cohen said that the caption was written by a Muslim friend of his.

“I was offended and disgusted that someone would think that’s OK to wear to a party,” Students for Justice in Palestine and Arab Student Union President Noor El-Annan told the Guardian. El-Annan said that she was “offended and disgusted” because “something that my grandparents would have worn was funny to him.”

But Cohen said that the photo was not racist. He has not taken it off Facebook. (Good for him!) “I was surprised that they went through these sorts of extremes,” he told the Guardian. (Expect a lawsuit from the CAIR Nazis as well as a visit from the FBI Islamic ‘hate’ crime posse)

Cohen, who is of Middle Eastern descent, said that he bought the outfit in Dubai. Cohen was an opponent of a resolution calling for his school’s divestment from Israel this year, which did not pass the student Senate. He said that the criticism from the Students for Justice in Palestine member was “an intimidation tactic because of my vote against divestment” from Israel in the student senate.

ANTI-MUSLIM: ‘Walk Naked for America Day’

An email message gone viral has the subject line MUSLIMS with nothing appearing inside except the attachment. When opened, the attachment reveals a picture of four topless women under the heading “Walk Naked for America Day.”

Twin Cities It goes on to encourage “American hotties” to walk out of their houses naked at 1 p.m. eastern time next Saturday because “it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife or daughter naked.” The effort will “help weed out any neighborhood Muslim terrorists,” according to the email.

A Maplewood City Council member forwarded an email this week with a subject line “Muslim’s” that contained pictures of topless women and a call for women to “Walk Naked for America Day.”

The email was received by a Pioneer Press reporter at 9:34 p.m. Thursday, April 27. Bob Cardinal, the most recent addition to the Maplewood City Council and former mayor, said he inadvertently included the reporter on the list when he forwarded the message, which he called “shocking,” from a personal email to a few guys on his softball team Thursday night. Cardinal said he disagreed with the email content.

“I couldn’t believe it,” Cardinal said of the message. “I don’t know how that even got on the Internet.”

It closes by encouraging all “patriotic men” to gather on their lawns to watch. (You can sure all the American-hating Muslim men will be watching behind their camera phones)

Cardinal said that he received the email from a constituent he occasionally corresponds with and that he disagreed with its contents. He forwarded it on, he said, only because he found it so shocking.

“I couldn’t believe what I saw,” he said.

Cardinal beat former council member John Nephew in the November election. He campaigned against Maplewood’s decision to organize its trash-hauling system. He served as mayor for six years in Maplewood before losing to Diana Longrie in 2005.

Some unanswered questions about Egypt’s recent legalization of necrophilia for Muslims

We racist Islamophobes in the unenlightened West want to know.

ORIGINAL STORY:

egypts-moderate-muslim-brotherhood-says-a-husband-may-have-sex-with-his-dead-wife-then-marry-his-14-year-old-girlfriend

ISLAMIC HYPOCRISY: Where homosexuals are hanged, women are covered in shrouds, but ‘Shemales’ are considered party time

Well, this IS Pakistan, the world’s largest audience for internet pornography, especially child porn.

A Muslim Guide on ways to reject an invitation to the Senior Prom

OK, stop laughing.  Go with me here. Pretend Muslims are in high demand as dates for the school prom. Apparently, the author of this article thinks they are.

Muslim Matters  Blogger Dr. O, a Muslim, says, amongst all of the wonderful things that most High School Seniors look forward to, there’s one event that every faithful Muslim brother and sister utterly dreads. Yes, my friends. I’m talking about the annual demonic festival of hormonally-repressed acne-faced youth who nefariously gather to revel in a night of fiendish debauchery in order to expend their youthful vigor in a druidic cabal of self-aggrandizement that irreversibly corrupts the faith of our community and decays the very moral fiber of our society. (No, female genital mutilation, forced child marriages, honor killings of women, and more, have pretty much decayed any moral fiber of Muslim society)

I actually was asked out to Prom by a girl in my AP Biology class, and boy oh boy was it an AWKWARD pretense for starting a da’wah conversation. The Senior Prom not exactly an ideal spot for a young and highly impressionable Muslim boy or girl, but just trust me when I say that for all of the temptations and nonsense that you have to resist in those High School hallways every day, Prom Night pretty much cranks the haram-o-meter up to level 10, and the after-prom parties crank up the haraminess rating to obscenely fitna-tastic levels. (But doesn’t come close to the obscenity levels of beheadings, stonings and hanging of homosexuals)

As this fiesta of foulness rapidly approaches at this time of the year and looms eerily over the susceptible heads of our young Muslim high school seniors, it’s best to equip yourself with the very best of da’wah-proven techniques and certified ẓabiḥah ḥalāl abilities to ward off the temptations of Prom, and to come up with the perfect escape responses to safely dodge Prom questions and reject prom advances.

Fortunately for you, I have just the guide to save your Senior year from ending in a blaze of regret!

PROM DATE REJECTION FOR BROTHERS (ragheads)

Yeah, I know that awkward feeling, brothers. Every other guy in the school is hooking up with girls for the Prom and you’re the sole dude in the class who isn’t part of the search team nor even remotely interested in anything going on. Been there, done that. But sooner or later they’re going to notice, and then it’ll be your moment of truth- will you stand your ground and do your part for da’wah and defend your chastity and honor as a Muslim man? Or will you try to sneakily find ways of coming up with compelling excuses and dodging their judgmental eyes with well-timed defense mechanisms? (How about, I can’t go to the prom because I am marrying my 9- year-old cousin that day?)

Here are a few suggestions:

1: STOP GROOMING YOUR FACIAL HAIR

The epic sunnah-style beard is a shining beacon of attractiveness that will no doubt entice many girls to ask you out to Prom. (Only if her name is Helen Keller) But here’s how to protect your beard from unwanted advances- just stop grooming it. Don’t cut it, shape it, wash it, or even touch it for 3 months, and watch as your face becomes a powerful infidel chick repellent!

2: STOP WEARING DEODORANT (Gee, we didn’t know you ever did)

This is by far the most effective technique of warding off girls from asking you out to the prom. Take your deodorant sprays and/or bars, and carefully toss them in the trash. Then, every day before school starts, go jogging for about an hour around the neighborhood, and work up a good sweat. Then head straight to school without changing clothes or showering. Your body odor will kick like Bruce Lee, and your stench will be more offensive than a Danish Cartoon.  (It already is)

3. WEAR A FAKE WEDDING BAND AND PRETEND TO BE MARRIED

Girls will instantly be repelled by your fake married-status, and if they’re actually brave enough to ask you who you’re married to, just tell them she’s much prettier than they are, and they’ll get offended and walk off. Your fake imaginary wife (wives) will be so flattered you said that about her!

PROM DATE REJECTION FOR SISTERS (bagheads)

When the girls start figuring out you’re not going to Prom, and you’re not expressing any interest in prom dates or prom dresses, you’re gonna start to feel the pressure when they begin to cast their judgmental and condescending glares at you. That’s when it’s time to slam your foot down, straighten your ḥijāb, and tell them like it is!

1. WEAR A CONVINCING FAKE BEARD

Can you imagine how ridiculous you’d look wearing a ḥijāb and having a huge tuft of hair covering your lower face like a hairy niqāb? That’s hilarious (and nasty)- but honestly, this would probably be the most POWERFUL guy-repellent in the history of mankind. (No, the bag on the head is all the guy-repellent she needs)

2 PUT ON A SCARY NIQAB (full face veil)

Wearing niqāb already makes sisters look like awesome shuriken-wielding ninjas- but putting on the right niqāb style can transform even the most shy and tame ḥijābi sister into a scary horror-movie slasher that no high school guy in his right mind would have the courage to ask out to the Prom. (Of course, assuming a high school guy would want to take a baghead to the prom requires a willing suspension of disbelief)

3 BRING YOUR DAD TO SCHOOL

There’s only one thing that strikes more pure terror in the hearts of men than seeing a sister dressed up as a costumed horror-movie slasher- dealing with her angry dad. Want high school guys to leave you alone, or better yet, ANY guy to leave you alone? Bring your dad to school with you before Prom and watch in giddy glee as he scowls furiously with utter disgust and disdain at all of the poor, unsuspecting guys in your high school. (But tell him to leave the knives at home)

All in all, whether its a High School Prom, a Friday-night college party, or Happy Hour at your office, as respectable Muslim men and women, you need to avoid events and parties that you know for sure are going to be questionable environments that will tempt you towards that which is contrary to your faith and character. 

I thought Muslims always pray toward Mecca?

Here’s a bunch of Saudi asslifters facing in all different directions. One would think Saudis, of all people, would know where Mecca is.

YOU CAN’T FIX STUPID..aka…Muslim inbreeding

AFGHANISTAN: A wanted Taliban Commander turns himself in to police, then demands $100 reward being offered for his capture.

NINE MSN News  (H/T Craig C) Mohammad Ashan, a mid-level commander wanted for his role in at least two attacks on security forces, approached police at a checkpoint in Paktika province with his wanted poster in hand. Pointing to his picture on the poster, Ashan demanded he be paid the reward money, the Washington Post reports.

Afghan officials, perplexed by the man’s misguided motives, arrested him on the spot.  His misdeeds prompted officials to plaster the district with hundreds of so-called “Be on the Lookout” posters emblazoned with his name and likeness. 

Stunned American forces, who came to confirm the insurgent’s identity, said Ashan was keen to confirm his identity and pocket the money. The American troops confirmed Ashan’s identity with a biometric scan.

When asked if the picture on the poster was him, Ashan replied answered with an incredible amount of enthusiasm, , “Yes, yes, that’s me! Can I get my award now?” 

WOW! Now, Muslims can make the pilgrimage to Mecca without lifting their asses

New simulation software unveiled by Iran’s Ministry of Culture and Islamic Guidance helps users visit holy Islamic sites from their easy chair in front of a personal computer at home. Prayer rugs not required.

The software provides users with simulations of Masjid al-Haram in Mecca, Masjid Al-Nabawi in Medina and the Askariya Shrine in Iraq. Experts believe recreating these holy sites in cyber space can help pilgrims who cannot visit them in person, but still want to brag that they did.

Don’t Pakis know how to use knives and forks?

We send $billions of U.S. taxpayer dollars in aid to Pakistan every year. Maybe we should include a few gift cards to Bed, Bath & Beyond?

AUSTRIA: On the Stephansplatz main thoroughfare in Vienna, a man is dressed in a burqa with a strap-on dildo

In protest against Islamic discrimination and sexual oppression, an ex-Muslim man dons a burqa with a dildo strapped to the front of it. See video at link below for the shocked expressions on passersby.

HEUTE (H/T Martin)  Behind the shocking dildo-adorned burqa-clad ex-Muslim man is the desire to end sexual oppression in Islam.  ”The strap-on dildo is a symbol of the Western lifestyle, to be sexually free, and  not have to hide your sexual identity,” says the 32-year-old Cahit Kaya. Kaya, who was born and raised in Austria, Kaya, has long since left the Muslim religion – not the least as a protest against forced marriage and archaic sexual morality.

Kaya has received death threats from Muslims on his Facebook. On the website  exmuslime.at ,  he runs a blog on the subject. He has also established a hotline specifically for religious discrimination. 

MORE MOCKERY: laughing-at-islam

PAT CONDELL on the truth about Islam

My favorite British satirist and his latest truth attack on the biggest threat to civilized society: Islam.

MORE AT: PAT CONDELL VIDEO CORNER

CHUBBY MUSLIM CONVERT GIRL (#2) models the latest fashions

Notice how she is wearing a colorful new niqab (full face veil) for the first time. She made it herself.

WARNING: This will not be up for long. Once Chubby knows her video is on this site, she will make it private.

OOPS! TOO LATE. She pulled it. But check out the other links below:

MORE CHUBBY MUSLIM GIRL VIDEOS:

another-chubby-muslim-convert-girl-threatens-to-sue-employer-over-headbag-ban

chubby-muslim-convert-girl-wants-you

i-could-never-get-a-date-so-i-converted-to-islam

allahmerican-idol-makes-his-tv-debut

shes-baaaack-chubby-convert-girl

chubby-convert-girl-on-fence-sitting

chubby-muslim-convert-girl-wants-you-to-think-of-the-starving-somalis-while-youre-gorging-yourself-every-night-during-ramadan

oh-no-chubby-convert-girl-has-decided-to-put-a-bag-over-her-head

oh-look-chubby-convert-girl-had-a-muslim-sperm-donor-along-the-way

chubby-convert-girl-says-the-quran-is-the-best-medicine-for-a-sick-heart

good-news-chubby-convert-girl-wants-to-give-you-a-free-quran