* You keep your dog on a leash but not your wife.
* You strap your kid into a childsafe seat not a suicide belt in the car.
* You think rapists should be hanged, not rapists’ victims.
* You are surprised to learn that ‘safe sex’ in Arab countries means marking the camels that kick.
* You will carry J&B in your car but not TNT.
* You can tell the difference between apes and pigs and Jews.
* You didn’t realize that camel hump and sexual intercourse were synonyms.
* You understand that there were never any ‘Palestinians’ in the Middle East before 1967.
* You believe there are no Walmarts in the Middle East because there is a Target on every corner.
* Your head is always higher than your butt when you’re praying.
* You just found out that Islamic schools never offer Drivers Education and Sex Education classes on the same day because the camels can’t handle the extra workload.
* You didn’t know that the reason the Taliban wear long robes is because goats can hear a zipper a mile away.
* You consider a ten-year girl to be a child, not a wife.
* You never knew that after having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh.
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